Five Ways to Communicate with Compassion

I love to remember the days of sitting in dad’s room listening to music, telling jokes, and laughing. Intertwined in those happy memories are those dark days when dad asked the same questions repeatedly, seemed confused by simple tasks, and stressed about imaginary dangers. We had to learn how to speak gently and let kindness color our words to avoid collective sadness that ultimately led to frustration.

Choosing the right words, volume, and tone are crucial when communicating with someone with Alzheimer's or dementia, as these simple daily activity can dramatically affect understanding, comfort, and emotional well-being for them and you as the caregiver.

Five things to consider when speaking to your loved one:

1. Words: Use short, simple sentences and clear instructions, avoiding complicated words, jargon, or abstractions; this makes it easier for your loved one to process what you are saying and reduces confusion or overwhelm. Replace open-ended questions with straightforward, either/or options whenever possible (“Do you want tea or coffee?”).

2. Volume: Speak in a normal, gentle volume. It can be difficult depending on the time of day and situation, but avoid raising your voice. Even slightly raising your voice can be perceived as anger or frustration and may cause your loved one to feel threatened or anxious. If they don’t hear you the first time, try repeating or rephrasing rather than getting louder.

3. Tone: Maintain a calm, reassuring, and respectful tone. A warm, friendly tone helps to create a sense of safety and acceptance, while a harsh or impatient tone can lead to distress or resistance. Even after responding to the same question multiple times, remember to keep your voice calm, although it may be difficult. You may feel like you're speaking with a child, steer clear of “baby talk” which can feel disrespectful.

4. Nonverbal communication: Equally important—open body language, eye contact, and a relaxed demeanor further reinforce your words and tone, helping your loved one feel valued and at ease.

5. Patience: Allowing extra time for responses and not interrupting encourages dignity and participation, even as communication abilities change over time. This can be overwhelming especially when you need to act quickly, perhaps to get to an appointment on time, but patience will eliminate an avalanche of emotion that can ruin the day and night. I found that many people extended grace and patience to us, especially if I mentioned that my dad had memory challenges. There are good people in the world.

Most importantly for you, remember to breathe.

Helpful Resources:

Online Resources List (free), Caregiving eBook, Fillable Care Plans

https://the-ebook-store.sellfy.store/