Ten Ways to Avoid Contradicting Someone with Dementia

It’s human nature to want to kindly correct someone for accuracy, but we had to remind ourselves that we were speaking to our adult father in cognitive decline, not a child. No amount of contradiction or correction will make the situation better.

Caregivers can significantly reduce distress and frustration by focusing more on comfort and connection, rather than correcting or contradicting a person with dementia. Here are ten strategies, along with what to say (examples):

1. Agree or Validate Their Feelings

Instead of: “That’s not true.”

Try: “That sounds scary. Thank you for telling me.”

Tip: Focus on the emotion behind their words, not the facts.

2. Redirect or Distract

Instead of: “You can’t go to the store now, you’re confused.”

Try: “Before you go, could you help me fold these towels?”

Tip: Gently change the subject to a safe or pleasant activity.

3. Accept Blame or Responsibility

Instead of: “You asked for chicken, and now you say you don’t want it!”

Try: “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. Let’s see what else we have.”

Tip: Take the blame, even if it’s unfounded, to avoid confrontation.

4. Go Along with Their Reality

Instead of: “No, that person isn’t alive anymore.”

Try: “He sounds like someone very special. Tell me about him.”

Tip: If their belief isn’t causing harm, gently accompany them in conversation.

5. Avoid Arguing or Reasoning

Instead of: “You saw the doctor already this week.”

Try: “The doctor is just making sure you stay healthy.”

Tip: Reasoning often increases frustration for both parties.

6. Use Reassuring Phrases

Instead of: “I’ve already told you; you keep forgetting.”

Try: “You’re safe here with me, and I will help you.”

Tip: Offer comfort and security with your words and body language.

7. Repeat Simply and Calmly

Instead of: “I just told you; why don’t you remember?”

Try: “Please put your shoes on.” (Repeat exactly as needed)

Tip: Use the same words, tone, and approach each time.

8. Lead with “I Remember…” Instead of Asking

Instead of: “Do you remember what we did yesterday?”

Try: “I remember visiting the park together yesterday. It was nice.”

Tip: Avoid testing their memory—share rather than quiz.

9. Reminisce Instead of Correcting

Instead of: “No, that’s not what happened.”

Try: “That sounds like a fun time. Tell me more about it.”

Tip: Encourage positive engagement with their version of events.

10. Allow Time for Comprehension and Response

Instead of: Quickly moving on if there’s no answer.

Try: Give extra time for them to process and reply.

Tip: Slow down; triple the time you think they need for understanding.

Helpful Resources:

Online Resources List (free), Caregiving eBook, Fillable Care Plans

https://the-ebook-store.sellfy.store/